6:33 p.m. on August 16, 2011 (EDT)
That would be fun apeman.
Maybe we could organize a "flash mob" of trailspace users.
First offense:
Drunken illegal camper: "I don't rightly know what happened officer. About 30 people just appeared out o' the woods and started dancing around. Next thin' you know they just faded into the woods and not a piece of ar equipment was left. To top it off they took all the beer too! The heathens."
Trailspace member dressed as park ranger: "Sir are you sure you weren't just hallucinating? I don't see evidence of 30 people, just your party. Anyway if you were camping here I would have to fine each of you $500 for camping in an unestablished area."
"$500 dollars?! Uhh maybe I was somewhere else." starts walking off then turns around and exclaims "But what about my camping stuff?"
"Sir maybe you should check up the trail. Maybe you were camped on up the trail where you were supposed to be."
Man hikes up trail to established camp site to find all of his stuff setup with a nice camp fire going but no beer.
Second offense:
Drunken Illegal camper: "It happened again officer! Them people just danced out o' the woods and took our stuff again. Only this time all they left was a cast iron pot of cold burnt beans."
Trailspace member dressed as park ranger: "Sir were you camped down by the stream? Because it sure looks like you were this time. The only reason I don't fine everybody here $500 a piece is because I didn't actually catch you there so maybe you ought to thank them for stealing all your stuff."
Third offense:
Trailspace member "Up here sir. They're hung like bear bags. Easy now there was a bear here earlier trying to get at them."
Real park ranger: "Good lord.. that bear is still here. How in the .... How did they get up there?"
TSSSSRRRT "Come on up guys he wasn't kidding. There really are four people hung up in the trees. Bring the bear spray too."
Trailspace member: "Sir would you mind if just hiked around this mess? I'd like to see if I can make up a little time."
Real Park ranger: "No not at all. You've done your duty. Thanks for telling us about them."
After formerly drunken illegal campers have been rescued.
Real Park ranger: "Would you like to sit down?"
formerly drunken illegal camper: "No... I'll just stand for now"
Real Park ranger: "Suit yourself. Now how did this happen again?"
formerly drunken illegal camper: "Well we had just set up camp and when it got dark the river spirits rushed in. They just appeared right out of the woods."
Real Park ranger: "River spirits?"
formerly drunken illegal camper: "Yeah.. that's what there leader said they were."
Real Park ranger: "and then what happened?"
formerly drunken illegal camper: "Well they grabbed us an' stripped us an' hog tied us an' stuffed our dirty socks in our mouths to shut us up. You ever had dirty socks stuffed in your mouth?"
Real Park ranger: "No can't say that I have."
formerly drunken illegal camper: "Well it's humiliating as all get out but I guess it wudn' as bad as what happen't to Bubba"
Real Park ranger: "What happened to him?"
formerly drunken illegal camper: "They stuck his underwear in ta' his mouth! He wud'n wearin' no socks."
Real Park ranger: "How did you end up hanging in the trees?"
formerly drunken illegal camper: "I'm gittin to that. They said that we were violatin' the sacred land next to the water and that we had to be punished."
Real Park ranger: "I see. what did they do next?"
formerly drunken illegal camper: "Well the next thing they did was go through our food and get all the bacon and cook it up. Then they spread some of it aront the camp site and in the bushes. And then they et wat was left and drank our beer"
Real Park ranger: Raises eyebrows "They drank beer?"
formerly drunken illegal camper: "Yea.... and they was pissed there wasn't one for everybody so they poured the bacon grease and our pancake syrup all over us. Then they said they were gonna learn us a lesson about camping next to a stream. Personally I had done learnt ma lesson buttin' I couldn't tell 'em 'cause my socks was in my mouth."
Real Park ranger: "Uh Huh"
formerly drunken illegal camper: "Then they started thro'in ropes over the tree limbs and I thought they was gonna hang us."
Real Park ranger: "They did..... or somebody did."
formerly drunken illegal camper: "I meant by our necks. I shore was glad when they tied the rope round my feet At first they only hung us a few feet offen the ground but then one of 'em said "Hang 'em higher. We don't want to feed the spirit of the bear. He pooped in the stream yesterday."
Real Park ranger: smirk appears on rangers face.
formerly drunken illegal camper: "I'm not kiddin' yea. And boy was I glad to when the left they doused the fire an took the food with 'em and a while later I heard this big animal come through the brush an' I could here him crunchin' on the bacon they had left and then I heard him messin around down below me. Man I was skeered. Then he must o' rared up on his back legs cause I could feel his hot breath on my bald spot. But that wadn' the worst of it tho."
Real Park ranger: "Really? What was"
formerly drunken illegal camper: "The bees. After it warmed up this mornin the bees came and they smelt that syrup and started eatin' it. Some o' that syrup had gone up my butt crack and a big ole bumble bee went after it and stung me when he couldn't get back out. That's why I don't want to sit down."
Real Park ranger: "If we catch these uh spirits do you want to press charges?"
formerly drunken illegal camper: "Oh no sir. I don't want ta anger any more spirits. They might hang me from the neck next time. I ain't even gonna camp no more. Just give ma stuff ta the boy scouts ok?"
Real Park ranger: "Sure."