9:04 p.m. on January 28, 2019 (EST)
Ya know... my kids bought me a real nice hammock knowing, that was the only piece of gear I didn't have. Though I had always thought of Gilligan or the Hunchback when it came to sleeping in one, I thought... "why not?"
But giving it more thought, I came to the idea it would be better to sleep like I do at home, so of course not wanting to buy a super expensive king size water bed to use in the Great Outdoors I bought a "cheapy" one instead.
After finding a couple of sturdy trees I tied the hammock up and found it surprisingly didn't take much effort.
What DID become a lot of effort was trying to get my cheapy king sized water bed in it so I could start filling the bed up with water.
As I did, the trees started leaning towards each other real bad, but of course I KNEW that would happen so I only filled the water bed up until it was an inch or two off the ground. Cool, good to go!!!
After eating a delicious dinner of Mac-n-cheese, as darkness came over my camp I decided to settle in for a GOOD night's sleep.
Since I had never heard of anyone doing something this grand before I thought I would think of ways to patent my idea, what to name the new sleeping method, and of course knowing every ounce counts when backpacking I thought I would give some thoughts on how to shave off a few micro ounces or two.
As I ever so gently slipped into my "hammockwaterbedmodule" as I would be calling it in the near future after I got the patents worked out with my brother in law attorney, I heard the clear sound of what I thought was maybe a wild animal in the darkness.
It was like a snapping twig or smallish branch. A moment or two later I sensed it was getting louder, much louder than say, a squirrel collecting nuts, or a deer gingerly prancing by in the nighttime.
SUDDENLY (come on... all of you knew THAT word would be used sooner or later) I felt my dream bed from heaven lower inch and I thought... "whoa.... I think my knots are slipping a bit", but before I could finish that thought, they slipped a bit more. Just enough for a very, little, tiny, itsy-bitsy, toothpick size stick to breach the sensitive skin of my cheapy water bed.
The minor poke was just enough to dump 4,238 gallons and 13.972 fluid ounces of water out in approximately 7/10ths of a nano second.
With all the weigh of the water gone my hammock became a slingshot... of sorts.... and launched me... actually more like rocketed me into the next county.
Other than hitting a few branches on the way out of the county the flight was a wee bit more exciting than even I normally enjoy. What wasn't enjoyable was the sudden landing.
Had I been born a lucky man I may have landed in... say.... a poison oak bush or even rose bushes, but being somewhat UNLUCKY I landed instead in cow pasture, which wouldn't have been so bad had I not hit the bull on the way by.
Slamming into a sleeping Bull at 63 MPH and then sliding across the mud, face first, into bail of hay was bad, real bad, but not as bad as finding out it wasn't "mud" my face was sliding on, now THAT was a lot worse!!! Talk about being embarrassed... geeez. I'll NEVER try that again.
So... what's the moral of the story you ask... well, I don't know!!! Maybe you can help me with that after I get done brushing, flossing and gargling the "mud" out of my mouth!!!